Fear is the Color You've All Exposed

i've been m.i.a lately, i know.
when i don't blog it's a sign i'm doing bad
and, surprise!, i'm doing bad

i do the same shit everytime
i feel disgusting, i break down, i do good for a few days and feel thin
and then BAM i give myself excuses to eat
i think "i've done really good, it wont kill me to eat this" "or this" "and this too"
until i'm back to feeling miserable about myself

so i'm sitting hear with a greedy stomach that, after being filled with food all day, still wants more.
sorry tummy, you cant have anything
you will never be full
you feel so much beter when youre empty
you're emptiness feels the rest of my body with weakness
and takes away almost every sensation, numbing me.

i need more thin
i need more drugs
i need more numb