Dance 'til You're Dead

I thought that maybe just not caring about food would make things easier.
I thought that if i didnt make it a big deal then it wouldn't seem like a big deal.
I'm wrong, as always, and feel as fat as ever.
I seem to be at a plateau and i don't even know my weight.
My boyfriend has a scale in his bathroom that i stare at every time i'm in there
I'm scared to use it for some reason.
Like he'll be able to tell and ten find out everything.
I've told him abut my cutting.
I lied a bit, though. I said i used to when, if he looked closely, he could tell i still do.
I don't want to make him worry, i just don't want him to think i'm hiding anything.
And i know he'd support me through anything.
He's the best person in my life and the only being who makes me truly happy and carefree.



I need to get off my lazy ass and fucking get what i want, what i need, what i'd die for.