The past few days have been the highest extremes of my life.
On Thursday I told my mom i was spending the night at my friend Yolanda's house but I really went to Boyfriend's. At 2:30am I get a phone call from my mom and I don't answer it. She leaves a voice mail telling me to call her back. I don't answer. She texts me telling me to call he back. I don't. She sens another text saying it's an emergency that I call so I'm thinking something happened to my dad since he works at night or my sister had to go to the hospital again. So I call her, knowing that if something did happen nd I didn't call that I'd feel like shit. Wrong. She drove by Yolanda's house and saw that my car wasn't there and demanded I tell her where I was and eventually I cracked and told her. She blew up, telling me I was going to get pregnant and that Andrew's dad is irresponsible for letting us sleep together and that she'd never accept Andrew. What the fuck, seriously? She didn't even catch us doing anything! She caught my sister, who's two years younger I might add, with her shirt on backwards after going to her boyfriend's house and did she get yelled at like I did? Did my mom say she'd never accept her boyfriend? No! My parents had a 12 minute talk about how they see each other too much and then let them run off to "hang out" like they always did. Bullshit. I'm 18. I can run off with whoever I want and it's perfectly legal.
Ugh. Anyway, so I when I got home I was prepared to yell back and fight my mom BUT she didn't even come talk to me when I got home. Or the next morning before work. Or after work. But after work I did find a nice little note on my bed from her. Yeah, a note. Oh hi, my mom's in seventh grade again? Yeah, it was all bullshit about how I hardly know Andrew and I'm his "SEX OBJECT" (yes, she really said those exact words) and how she feels guilty that she never gave me morals or some shit like that. I couldn't tell if i was pissed off at the letter, humored, or disgusted. Seriously, it was the most pointless shit I've ever read.
The next day I had competition for a cheer team I was filling in on and my sister was competing too. My mom didn't attend. This was the first competition she missed in 8 years. I came home and she wasn't as mad. Her and my dad tried to have a talk with me but it was pointless because they were wrong and I was wrong and theyre stupid and I'm smart. But I didn't want to get into a huge fight with them because I had plans that night that involved me staying out at my friend Mel's house and I wasn't sure if they'd believe me or not even though I really was staying there.
They ended up letting me go since they felt bad and that's just how they are. Get pissed at me, make me feel terrible for no reason, then let m do whatever I want once they see me upset. I know how to work them.
So I went to a rave with my best friends Mel and Heather and it was Mel's first one and first time rolling. She LOVED it to say the least and we had a really good time This guy we kind of went with took us to this other guy's apartment after and he offered me K. I sniffed it. It was weird. I couldn't talk, whatever. So the next day I went home and blah blah I told Andrew that what I tried and he was NOT happy. At first he seemed like he didn't care then he exploded. Telling me that he knew this would happen, if he knew from the beginning that i was that type of girl he never would've gone out with me, he never wanted to see me again, la la la shit. So i drove to his house and told him to come outside but that whole visit was a waste and I left in tears and couldn't/didn't want to breathe. I got home, cut myself really bad, drank a load of nyquil, and went to bed.
At about 1:30am he calls me telling me to go online, I ask why, "I have a question.", so I go on. I saw that he had texted me like 50 times and emailed me AND messaged me on myspace. Turns out he wanted to know what the scars were on my hips. I told him one night when he was drunk that i had cut myself and I thought he'd remember. Apparently he didn't and now he was finding out after he had been a fucking jerk ass to me and he felt really bad. He said he didn't want me to do that and that he needed to help me and if I'd please take him back. Of course I did, I love him, I always will, and I knew he never really wanted to leave me. Then when he found out i cut after i got home he went crazy again and called me psycho and that he could never look at me again knowing he caused me to do that. I knew he didn't mean it, I knew he didn't want this to end. But he said "Bye forever" and signed off. Then he texted me. And he kept texting me! So i finally asked, "Why can't you stop texting me?" "I can if you want, just say the word." "Of course I don't want you to." and from there we made up for the last time and we're both on our roads to recovery: mine for cutting, his for holding in every emotion.
We both grew stronger individually and as a couple from this ordeal and we're both really glad it happened. He's already looked up websites on how I can deal with my emotions instead of inflicting pain on myself. He reminds me to remind myself that I'm beautiful and special and don't deserve to be hurt like that. I truly love this boy from the bottom of my heart and I feel so blessed (If I believed in god?) to have someone like him in my life. He makes me feel so loved and so complete and so safe.
xox
