You Look Like a Fool to Me

I cut, I learn, I'm losing weight.
I bought jeans to motivate me and it's working like a charm.
On top of that, I'm depressed. I find no reason to eat when it doesn't even make me happy anymore; nothing makes me happy anymore.
I fear I'm on this road forever.
I need to be 100lbs or less by next saturday
I'm at 103.5lbs right now.
Start the clock.

eltit

the marrow's hollowed out from my bones
I'm a walking blade of grass
i keep blowing in the wind
and falling on my ass
my muscles are so weak
i can't open up my mouth
i wouldn't if i could
I've shut up, inside and out

I Lock the Door

Finally, took a step forward today.
Bouht hydroxycut at lunch today and was shaky and light the rest of the work day.
only had a banana for a snack instead of my usual chewy bar->cookie->chocolate (i should eliminate C foods from my menu of life) and, for once, dreaded dinner.
Luckily it was early.
And i cut myself bad after when my mom pissed me off with her dumbass comments about shoes i wanted.

I'm learning.
I'm ready.
I'm all Ana's.

Dance Inside the Song

Thought I could prove myself wrong today.
I was wring about that, ironically.
I have this feeling I'll always let myself, and everybody else, down.
I'll never be a good girlfriend again because of my past
and I can't ever change that.
I'll never get down to my dream weight because when I'm sad, I either starve or binge.
Usually binge.
I'm fucking useless and I don't give a shit about anything.
I don't care if my coping mechanisms don't sit well with anybody else.
I'm tired of my brain going nonstop whilst sitting alone
or even in the company of someone else and my thoughts overpower their words.
Seriously, what the FUCK is wrong with me?
Help me.

Don't They Realize I'm a Porcelain Doll?

No appetite due to godawful mood.
Why do I let other people's actions determine how I feel?
Don't care to wonder any longer.

At least I didnt let the smell of McDonald's wafting through my car window tempt me to buy my "usual" there.
My OWN therapy is working.
I almost walked inside Target, since it's across the street, to buy tissue and razors.
Awesome.
I'm learning.
There's one thing I'm improving on.

We are 40 Stories Tall

I'm having such a good morning.
I'm motivated, I'm ready to kick today's ass:D

tried out a gluten, dairy, soy-free bar today called LaraBar. DELISH! and super filling! it was worth the 180 cals.
Usually bythis time I've had a special k bar AND a chewy bar and I'm still starving.

Before work I had hydroxy water, another 1/2 bottle of water and a larabar
total so far:180cals
lunch will be carrots (roughly 35 cals) and a rice cake(50 cals) and some more hydroxy water
yay(:
my total by the end of my working day should (WILL!) be no more than 265.

I'm going shopping with some friends later so if we d end up getting a smoothie I'll make sure it's Jamba Juice so I can just replace dinner with that.

I think I've finally learned my lesson.

I Can't Get Past Her, Falling Faster

What is it going to take for me to see how fat, ugly, lumpy, and disgusting i am?
I need to get my fat ass up and do something about this.

I didnt finish my dinner today. I think it's easier to skip meals when I'm unhappy.

I punished myself today. I found how to take the ravors out of my shaver.