Keep Running Up That Hill

i've been doing a lt better lately. I stay away from junk automatically and i'm constanty surrounded by tiny girls and reminded of how disgusting i look next to them. Being in the rave scene helps a LOT. 1.cute boys to impress 2.hipbones everywhere 3.drugz
it sounds awful, because it is awful. this whole thing is awful. my concept of perfection is awful. the pressures i'm under are awful. what i have to compete against is awful. what i have to do to be happy is awful.

after 4 months of being single and recovering from the most unhealthy relationship, i think i've finally found the boy who can change my mind about boyfriends. he's cute, he makes me laugh, i dont feel like i have to impress him, he calms my nerves, he makes the cutest faces, he's taller then me, hes skinny (!!), he's genuine, he doesnt try to control me like so many others have tried to do, i want to see him every second of the day, i want to talk to him about everything, i feel like there are endless things we could and share, he doesn't pressure me with ANYTHING, and i can see that he really likes me just as much as i like him. And that makes me so happy and relieved. I may have found the cutest boy in the universe.!

halloween! it's in less than two weeks and i MUST look little. i don't care what it takes. i hadmy last piece of meat today and my last sugary sweet. fruits and veggies and grains. THAT'S ALL! And water and hydroxycut and sleep and !

I'm off to watch some more thinspo videos on youtube. I'm on skype with ze boy and he's doing his english paper so i'm going to keep my brain occupied with visuals of what i must (and WILL) be.

xo